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Yeah, yeah. I have been an asshole as of late. No, really! It's true! I have been alouf, distant, isolating myself, uncaring, unsympatheic, selfish (yes, I too was shocked at this one), stuborn, passive, self-centered, blah, blah, blah.

You know, guy stuff.

So anyway, I have unwittingly created a huge distance between my girlfriend(?) and I, and it took me almost a month to realise this. We haven't talked to each other during that time. I don't even know if she remembers my name anymore. There was no fight. No argument. No unreasonable demands. No fight for the remote. Nadda. It was more or less, something that just happened (Yeah, that sounds lame to me too, but it is what happened). I mean, we have gone days without talking (we live pretty far apart from each other), so it was no biggie at first... then it became a situation where I just didn't care if I spoke to her or not. Complacent, ya know? So...... a couple of weeks later, she calls and I missed it. Didn't call back (Asshole = Me). She tried once more by email, and this time I replied "I'm just not feeling talkitive, is all" (You ever have one of those momments when your reply to something seems to be so perfect/rational/sensitive/informative, only to mull it over later and realise "whoops"?).

So, with foot firmly planted in mouth, I am busting my brain trying to figure out how in the hell am I going to fix this mess?

Any suggestions?
(Ladies... I'm countin' on ya! Married guys...c'mon, you have LOTS of experience in this. Help a guy out.)

Voted "Most Likely To Be Called Asshole on an On-line Forum"

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I seem to be in the same mood as you the past 2 weeks or so.
Im not fighting with anyone, I just dont want to be bothered.
depression? who knows.

Best thing to do is to just call her, or send flowers if she is the type that would like them. A nice funny card might work?
Just explain what you just wrote to her. Im sure at some point she has felt the same way
Originally Posted By: Gerk
Yeah, yeah. I have been an asshole as of late. No, really! It's true!
I have been alouf, distant, isolating myself, uncaring, unsympatheic, selfish (yes, I too was shocked at this one), stuborn, passive, self-centered, There was no fight. No argument. No unreasonable demands. ... then it became a situation where I just didn't care if I spoke to her or not. Complacent, ya know?
So...... a couple of weeks later, she calls and I missed it. Didn't call back (Asshole = Me). She tried once more by email, and this time I replied "I'm just not feeling talkitive, is all" (You ever have one of those momments when your reply to something seems to be so perfect/rational/sensitive/informative, only to mull it over later and realise "whoops"?).


Even you must realize by now that you're a CHICK, based on what you've typed.

I doubt even Wooly could salvage this one.




I remember how my heart beat when you said I love you so...

One month is a long time.

Flowers and dinner is going to be wholly inadequate.

You have to convince her that you really care (assuming you do).

A poem.

A heartfelt letter of apology (not an e-mail, but you might e-mail her that you sent her a letter regular mail so even MORE time does not pass).

Make time for her.

If it's not already too late. You have a lot of work to do.
Originally Posted By: Eugene
Originally Posted By: Gerk
Yeah, yeah. I have been an asshole as of late. No, really! It's true!
I have been alouf, distant, isolating myself, uncaring, unsympatheic, selfish (yes, I too was shocked at this one), stuborn, passive, self-centered, There was no fight. No argument. No unreasonable demands. ... then it became a situation where I just didn't care if I spoke to her or not. Complacent, ya know?
So...... a couple of weeks later, she calls and I missed it. Didn't call back (Asshole = Me). She tried once more by email, and this time I replied "I'm just not feeling talkitive, is all" (You ever have one of those momments when your reply to something seems to be so perfect/rational/sensitive/informative, only to mull it over later and realise "whoops"?).


Even you must realize by now that you're a CHICK, based on what you've typed.

I doubt even Wooly could salvage this one.




Is that why you keep PM'ing me with all that poetry shit? I thought the ladies here were makin' all that stuff up about you PM'ing them with... uh... "invitations" and shit... Seriously old man, get a Sweetie. You don't have much time left.

Originally Posted By: Karen
I seem to be in the same mood as you the past 2 weeks or so.
Im not fighting with anyone, I just dont want to be bothered.
depression? who knows.

Best thing to do is to just call her, or send flowers if she is the type that would like them. A nice funny card might work?
Just explain what you just wrote to her. Im sure at some point she has felt the same way

Yeah Karen, she had a hand in this as well - to a degree. She was also distant from me, so I am sure she has been feeling something simular. (Maybe she is content with the ways things are? Maybe she welcomes this as a means of a "un-messy" break-up or something, ya know?)
I would call her, but I know that's gonna be tough. That is, if she actually answered. I do have my doubts on that. The flowers thing, although "long-in-the-tooth", may just very well be something I act on. She likes flowers, and it would be cool for her to get some delivered.... IF she accepts them lol. I know she has felt the way I do about not wanting to be bothered by anyone (no one in particular), but as in all relationships, things are not equal when it comes to emotional/situational things. Know what I mean? That is not to say she is unreasonable or anything.... no no no... just that the expectaions are different and therefore the reason doesn't always seem to "cut it" - no matter what. Uhm... I don't think I'm explaining this right. (Shit! If I can't write it here, how in the hell am I gonna explain ANYTHING to her!?!?).

Originally Posted By: quante
One month is a long time.

Flowers and dinner is going to be wholly inadequate.

You have to convince her that you really care (assuming you do).

A poem.

A heartfelt letter of apology (not an e-mail, but you might e-mail her that you sent her a letter regular mail so even MORE time does not pass).

Make time for her.

If it's not already too late. You have a lot of work to do.

Yeah, convince her that I really care, which I most certainly do. Like write a poem? Or maybe a thread in a Springsteen forum? wink

I don't know about the letter thing. It's not so much a matter of apology, I think, as it is to communicate what the situation actually was. Right? I mean, to a degree (as I stated to Karen) she participated as well. Not that I am assigning blame or anything, I am just trying to state that I dont really feel as though I have anything to apologize for - other than not "feeing" like talking with her (but also EVERYONE else) for quite some time. I think where I fucked up was in believing that she would understand "automatically" or something and not give me any grief about it later. I just assumed that she would not have a problem with it, and that she even might enjoy the "vacation" from me (maybe she enjoyed it so much that all this brainstorming is moot).

"Make time for her"

That has got to be the best thing I have ever read of yours.

I dunno if it's too late. Only way I will find out is if/when I talk to her again. Guess we'll see.

Originally Posted By: Mars
It's okay Gerk ... I forgive you ... just call me wink

just kiddin' ... I will send you a PM

[sigh]... uh, Mars? Is that REALLY your phone number?(or am I going to end up calling Ivan or something?)... yes Mars, I am gorgeous.... No Mars, I am not "single" yet.... No Mars, I do not live in the US "close to you".... Yes Mars, I know what an airplane is.... Yes Mars, my dark brown eyes would make your knees weak.... No Mars, I do not use Viagra. No need.... No Mars, I don't have any naked photos of myself for you.... Mars, I like you as a friend.... wink

Voted "Most Likely To Be Called Asshole on an On-line Forum"

Gerk,
Take a day off and travel to her. The day before send her flowers to her work place with an invitation to meet you for lunch and play hookie for the rest of the next day. After lunch take her to a cooking class and learn how to make food together or go catch a flick, go shopping, and make a CD of music for her. Go to one of your favorite places for dinner if you can't cook or a concert.

When alone you can ask her if she wants the relationship to continue and be prepared for her answer. She may just not be that into you or VV.

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→←←←←←←←←←←←←←←

In the basement at St. Johns well I found her where she fell

Just another busted sister of Heartbreak Hotel

Originally Posted By: Mando
Originally Posted By: Gerk


Any suggestions?
(Ladies... I'm countin' on ya! Married guys...c'mon, you have LOTS of experience in this. Help a guy out.)


There are married guys on this board who haven't spoken to their wives for years so don't count on them.


Wouldn't it be nice ...
Don't make to much of it, just start communicating again (if that is waht you really want). Don't talk about fixing your relationship. She may not be aware there is a problem. If she thinks there is, you will just reinforce it.

Send her a short funny or interesting story about something that happened recently. I'll give you one.

We just got back from vacation in the Hudson Valley. One of the places we visited was Sunnyside, the home of Washington Irving (Legend of Sleepy Holly, Rip Van Winkle). Turns out that before the Civil War he was big, like Elvis big. People bought dinner plates with pictures of Sunnyside on them (like Graceland). So he has this nice little estate right on the Hudson river where he entertained other famous authors and foriegn dignataries.

But then the railroad laid tracks between his house and the river. He raised hell, but they had imminant domain on their side. He was a big enough deal that they paid him off with about $6000, but the real payoff was a whistle stop at his house. He could flag down any train and it would stop and pick him up.

Couple more facts
He was the first American author to fully support himself with writing.
He was also embassidor to Spain for a while (or something like that).
Originally Posted By: Gerk
"A pen. She broke up with me, and gave me a pen."

Scary how that foreshadowed events....

Just wanted to thank the ones who provided some useful advice. That was cool, and helped made for smooth sailing impressed her... uh... well, let's just say "Thanks". Oh, and thank you to the one's who took the time to PM me more personally tailored advice/sympathies/etc, and of coarse the many "You're a tool", "why the fuck do you post that shit?", "you think YOU got problems...", and my favorite "you know, you can always post about this at Greasy Lake, they are nicer there and will help you out much better".

So, yeah, I'm officially educated of the "non-status" now, and I can't really say I was all that surprised (However, it still feels as though someone punched me in the gut). We are still cool with one another (It wasn't the standard "Let's be friends" talk), and we are going to keep in touch. So it ain't the end of the world, ya know?
I know all of you loyal readers were just hanging on to find out what happens next in my little soap opera. There you have it.

Voted "Most Likely To Be Called Asshole on an On-line Forum"

Originally Posted By: quante
Sounds to me like there is still a flickering flame that will rekindle.

No let's be friends speech and keep in touch, means it's not over.



You really don't know anything about anything, do you?

And Gerald, what happened to your daughter? confused

Insult to injury time...

Originally Posted By: Gerk


And what next? How am I to actually believe that this wont happen to me again? Am I fucked for finding a love I can truly trust enough to marry? Am I shit out of luck in future matters of the heart? Why is it that I now see every woman as a kniving, manipulative, money-minded seductress, who only wants to clean me out? Will I get over this? I mean, I don't feel angry or mad towards women...do I?

I must confess, however, that I do have a girlfriend, and that she has somehow managed to cut through all that. Despite what I just wrote above, she does give me hope that there is such a thing as a 'true and lasting love'. (Ugh. I am getting waaaay to soppy here). Anyhoo... in case she reads this, she is the exception.

I really think I should stop watching "chick flicks" before I start posting here. Makes for some strange moods.

I remember how my heart beat when you said I love you so...

Gerk,
Well it could be a good occasional booty call but I think things are winding down. Sounds like you each cared for each other enough to be considerate.

So don't take it too hard these things happen and keep the faith.

→→→→→→→→→→→→→→←←←←←←←←←←←←←←

In the basement at St. Johns well I found her where she fell

Just another busted sister of Heartbreak Hotel

Originally Posted By: Eugene
Originally Posted By: quante
Sounds to me like there is still a flickering flame that will rekindle.

No let's be friends speech and keep in touch, means it's not over.



You really don't know anything about anything, do you?

And Gerald, what happened to your daughter? confused

Insult to injury time...

Originally Posted By: Gerk


And what next? How am I to actually believe that this wont happen to me again? Am I fucked for finding a love I can truly trust enough to marry? Am I shit out of luck in future matters of the heart? Why is it that I now see every woman as a kniving, manipulative, money-minded seductress, who only wants to clean me out? Will I get over this? I mean, I don't feel angry or mad towards women...do I?

I must confess, however, that I do have a girlfriend, and that she has somehow managed to cut through all that. Despite what I just wrote above, she does give me hope that there is such a thing as a 'true and lasting love'. (Ugh. I am getting waaaay to soppy here). Anyhoo... in case she reads this, she is the exception.

I really think I should stop watching "chick flicks" before I start posting here. Makes for some strange moods.


"Ouch" (but kinda true in a spooky sense... the "Am I fucked for finding a love..." rings true. The "my girlfriend is the execption" bit though, still stands. She was. And some guy is gonna be real fortunate to experience that).

Kick a guy when he's down... Mr.Mayor, it just wouldn't be you if you didn't.

I get to keep my daughter. The girlfriend, uh, former girlfriend, didn't get her. My daughter is great. She will be attending colledge in no time. I still have her scared shitless about dating (I told her that when she wants to date someone, that they have to be "interviewed" by me first). She wants to go see that "Center of the Earth" movie with me because it's in 3-D, and I am just the coolest Dad, cause we ALWAYS go to 3-D movies together. Why do you ask?

And Dirt-guy... there won't be any booty calls. I'm pretty sure on that. Although, I am rather irresistable... and the "ache" for me that she will (most certainly) burn with, may become so unbearable that she will demand it from me. If I have the time, I may consider it. wink

Voted "Most Likely To Be Called Asshole on an On-line Forum"

Originally Posted By: Eugene
Originally Posted By: quante
Sounds to me like there is still a flickering flame that will rekindle.

No let's be friends speech and keep in touch, means it's not over.



You really don't know anything about anything, do you?



I know many things. You are just not able to comprehend them.
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